Short answer: 4 things help most with test anxiety in children — The Control Sort, Catch & Swap grid, The Calm-Body Kit, My Test-Day Game Plan. Each one is below, in order, with how to do it and why it works.
If this sounds like your house, you are not doing anything wrong — it is one of the most common patterns parents describe. Below are 4 small, practicable things that help, each one drawn from published cognitive behavioural work with children.
| What it is | 4 evidence-based steps you can run at home |
| Time per day | about 5 minutes |
What actually helps
Bring the body down first
The Calm-Body Kit. To help your child prepare for situations like a test, you can guide them through a simple exercise. Ask your child to breathe in slowly for a count of four, then breathe out slowly for a count of six. After a few slow breaths, prompt them to name one thing they can see, one thing they can hear, one thing they can smell, one thing they can touch, and one thing they can taste. These relaxation strategies, involving slow paced breathing and attention-focusing, are intended to reduce the physiological arousal that accompanies anxiety. This can help your child manage the bodily symptoms of fear, such as a racing heart. A common challenge is that a child might rush the breathing or find it hard to focus on their senses when they are already feeling anxious. If this happens, try practicing the steps together regularly when your child is feeling calm. Remind them that the goal is to gently slow down their body, not to do it perfectly. If one sense is difficult to identify, simply encourage them to focus on the others. Why it works: relaxation and arousal-reduction training — slow paced breathing and attention-focusing (five-senses grounding) to reduce the physiological arousal of anxiety.
For Grown-Ups page. When supporting your child, focus on their effort and the coping strategies they use, rather than only on the final outcome. You can say things like, “I noticed how hard you worked on that task,” or “It was good to see you take a deep breath when you felt worried.” It is also helpful to model calm coping yourself. For example, if you feel frustrated, you might say, “I’m feeling stressed, so I’ll take a moment to pause.” This helps children become better able to tolerate stress and be less self-critical. A common pitfall is to only praise successful outcomes, such as a good grade. Instead, consistently acknowledge your child’s persistence, their problem-solving steps, or their attempts to stay calm, regardless of the result. This reinforces that their efforts and coping process are truly valued. Why it works: supporting an anxious child by valuing effort and coping over outcomes, and modeling a calm, accepting response to stress.
Work with the worried thinking
Catch & Swap grid. To practice, help your child notice unhelpful, catastrophic thoughts they might have, especially concerning exams. For example, they might think, ‘I’ll blank out,’ ‘One wrong answer means I’ll fail everything,’ or ‘Everyone else understands this but me.’ Once an unhelpful thought is identified, guide your child to examine the evidence for and against it. Ask questions like, ‘What makes you think that?’ and ‘What evidence do we have that it might not be completely true, or that there’s another way to see it?’ Then, work together to generate a more balanced and realistic alternative thought. This process, called cognitive restructuring, helps reduce the distress the original thought produced by replacing it with a more realistic alternative. A common challenge is if your child struggles to find evidence or immediately create a balanced thought. If this happens, focus on the act of noticing the unhelpful thought and the attempt to weigh evidence. Reassure them that this is a skill they are learning. The goal is the careful examination of the thought, not necessarily a perfect, instant replacement. Why it works: cognitive restructuring — noticing an unhelpful catastrophic or all-or-nothing automatic thought, weighing the evidence, and generating a balanced realistic alternative thought.
Then do something about it
The Control Sort. When your child is worried about exams, you can help them sort their concerns. Ask them to list everything that is making them anxious about the upcoming exam. Then, guide them to identify which worries are ‘in my control’ and which are ‘not mine to carry’. For the ‘in my control’ items, encourage them to think about what they can actually do. For example, ‘What steps can you take to prepare for this?’ or ‘What is something you can do right now to address this specific worry?’ This activity helps your child practice problem-solving skills. By focusing their attention and effort on the parts of the situation they can act on, they learn to generate and try practical solutions. This can prevent them from dwelling on aspects of the exam problem that are outside their influence. Sometimes, a child might struggle to categorize a worry, or they might try to find a solution for something truly outside their control. If this happens, gently help them re-evaluate. You can say, ‘Is that truly something you can change or act on directly?’ or ‘What is the very first, smallest step you could take if it is in your control?’ The goal is to direct their coping efforts towards actionable steps. Why it works: problem-solving skills training — separating what is within one’s control to act on from what is not, then directing coping effort toward practical, controllable steps.
My Test-Day Game Plan. Sit with your child and help them outline a simple coping plan for an upcoming test or similar stressful event. This plan should include specific calm-body tools they have learned, detailing what they will do ‘before,’ ‘during,’ and ‘if their mind goes blank.’ For example, they might write down ‘Before: take 3 deep breaths,’ ‘During: tense and relax my hands,’ and ‘If I blank: look at the clock and name 5 things I see.’ Encourage your child to mentally walk through this plan several times, imagining themselves using each step. This advance preparation helps your child feel more ready to face the situation instead of wanting to avoid it. Practicing the plan also makes it easier for them to remember and use their coping strategies when the stressful moment actually happens. A common challenge is making the plan too complicated or vague. Instead, ensure each step is very concrete and uses calm-body tools your child already knows well. If your child resists rehearsing, frame it as a quick mental run-through, like practicing a game, rather than a formal test. The goal is to build familiarity and confidence with their own tools. Why it works: preparing and rehearsing a concrete coping plan in advance of an anticipated stressful situation so the learned coping strategies are ready to use.
What to expect
Skills practised when a child is calm are the ones available when a child is not — the first few days are practice, not proof. If distress is intense, persistent, or getting worse, speak to your paediatrician or a licensed mental health professional in your area. A printable is a practice tool, not an assessment.
If you would like this as a ready-made routine
We made a printable version of exactly this sequence.
Kite & Koala printables are made by a mental health professional with a PhD. Built on published CBT research. Educational tool — not a substitute for therapy or medical advice.
Common questions
What age is this for?
These steps are written for children. Younger children need an adult to lead each step and to keep it short; older children in the band can often run most of it themselves once the routine is familiar. Adjust the pace rather than skipping steps.
How long before it helps?
Treat the first week as practice, not proof. Skills rehearsed while a child is calm are the ones available when they are not, so the routine is built on ordinary days and drawn on during hard ones. Consistency matters far more than length.
Do I need to buy anything to try this?
No. Every step above can be done with your voice, your hands and a few minutes. A printable simply saves you from remembering the order and gives the child something concrete to hold, which many families find easier at the end of a long day.
When should I talk to a professional?
If distress is intense, lasts for weeks, gets worse, or stops your child doing ordinary things like school, sleep or seeing friends, speak to your paediatrician or a licensed mental health professional in your area. These activities are practice tools, not an assessment.
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